How Christian men and women can enjoy godly friendships
If the verse that says "bad company corrupts good morals" is true, then the opposite can also be true: Godly company helps break down wrong morals, and helps develop and enhance good morals.
Godly friends are the type of friends who will influence or at least encourage us to pursue God and shun wrongdoing and all ungodliness. Their presence in our lives should be welcomed, and their influence to us greatly appreciated - in fact, more than just appreciated, because they can be life-saving and life-changing.
As such, Christian men and women everywhere are encouraged to build godly friendships. Having godly friends of the same sex will benefit both sexes greatly, and will provide support, accountability, and of course good, clean fun.
It's also possible to build godly friendships with fellow Christians of the opposite sex. Several people in the Bible managed it. If they were able to do it, it can be done even today.
Safeguards
Many Christians today fear establishing friendships with the opposite sex. They fear that they might end up overstepping boundaries and committing sin. The truth is, as long as Christians truly fear the Lord, hold themselves accountable before others, and stand on Biblical standards of righteousness, there's no need to fear.
To help you establish godly friendships with a fellow Christian of the opposite sex, here are a few important things to remember:
- Purpose
The first thing to remember is that any friendship with the opposite sex needs to have a purpose. Some might think this is totally unnecessary, but seriously, if you have no purpose in making friends with a fellow believer from the opposite sex, then you don't need to make friends with them.
All purposes have to be according to godly, biblical standards. 1 Timothy 5:1-2, for example, gives us clear guidelines:
"Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity."
Any purpose that is not godly in nature should be avoided. Only godly thoughts can produce godly words and actions. Anything ungodly, or fleshly, will not do us good.
If your intention in making friends with the opposite sex is to pursue courtship, then that's a totally different thing. Let's talk about that in another topic.
Married men and women, however, are encouraged to prioritize their marriage relationship far beyond any relationship with friends. A husband's wife should be his primary and only close female friend, and vice-versa. This is a safeguard that works well for married people.
- Boundaries
Next, any well-intentioned Christian has to understand that boundaries have to be set in place. Boundaries protect both parties from any sin and regrettable mistakes, and allow for enjoyment and freedom without the burden of error and guilt.
When building godly friendships with the opposite sex, men and women will do well to avoid physical intimacy, avoid being emotionally vulnerable or attached (unless the intention is to court), and avoid crossing the lines of sin. It will also be good to avoid exclusivity and keeping the friendship a secret from others.
Keep Proverbs 8:13 in mind:
"The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate."
- Accountability
Lastly, any godly friendship with the opposite sex will welcome accountability. Any person outside the friendship is welcome to ask questions, see what is happening, and know what needs to be known. Including others in the friendship will always be a good thing, unless the "friends" are bad company that will corrupt both the Christian man and woman, and will cause them to sin.
As mentioned above, keeping friendships in secret and away from the knowledge of others gives room for things to be done in secret. Avoid this temptation by bringing the friendship into the light. Allow others to ask your motives. Give others, especially wise, godly, trusted, and concerned elders permission to scrutinize and check your friendship.
It's always better safe than sorry.
In closing
Friends, God made man to be in relationship with each other. Men are to live in society with women, treating them as equal partners in the grace that God generously pours on all mankind. It will be good for all of us to build nothing but godly relationships with others.
"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law." (Romans 13:8)
