I've heard three stories already this week about nightmare bosses. It makes me wonder if there's more of them around or whether we are just becoming less tolerant of bad leaders.

The trouble with working for someone who is ineffective, rude, bullying, unfair, dishonest, lazy, unpredictable or sexist is that their behaviour can have a negative impact on the whole team, company, organisation or church, which they head up. A pleasant enough job can soon turn toxic if the wrong person is put in charge. Sadly, too few bosses appreciate the effect they have on those around them.

I have known quite a few bosses in my time and all of them had an impact on me of some kind – whether positive or negative. For example, there was the barber I worked with one summer holiday. He lied to his wife and sneaked his mistress and their child in to the staff room during lunch breaks. He lost my respect – I didn't think he was someone I could trust. Just after I left he was arrested for fiddling the books. Then there was the vicar I worked with who was great at modelling servant leadership. He was always the first one to pour the water or coffee at a meeting and I remember when he stayed late with the team to help us put binders on delegate packs that we hadn't managed to finish. I learned from him that you are more likely to build loyalty and respect in your team when you treat them well.

The question, we need to ask as leaders, is – what impact am I having? In my own life, I am aware of times when I have had a negative impact on those I've managed. For example, when I have a tight deadline I tend to get more controlling and have a tendency to take the reins. I have no doubt that this leaves others feeling disempowered and frustrated.

Dr Henry Cloud, in his book Integrity, describes our impact as being like the wake of a boat that we leave behind us at work. From our wake we can see how well we got the job done and how well we met our objectives, but we can also see how well we did with our relationships.

Are a lot of people out there water-skiing on the wake, smiling, having a great time for our having 'moved through their lives'? Or are they out there bobbing for air, bleeding, and left wounded as shark bait? In other words, would they say that their experience with us has left them better off for our having 'moved through their lives,' or would they say that it has left them worse off? Did they consider it a blessing that they were associated with you, or a curse? What is the nature of the wake? Are they smiling or reeling?

So, how can we be authentic leaders and ones that people will want to follow? Try some of all of the following:

• Be open to change
• Be willing to seek out honest feedback (not just from the people who will say nice things)
• Pray for God's wisdom
• Leave our comfort zones and step into uncharted waters
• Work on improving areas of our character that create a negative impact on those around us
• Be prepared to use different leadership styles when the situation calls for it (this may mean developing styles that we are not usually comfortable with, i.e. we may need to learn to be more confrontational and assertive or we may need to practise being more collaborative or vulnerable)
• Create a fun and encouraging environment in which others can grow, learn and take responsibility
• Listen and learn from the people we lead as well as from any that we serve (customers, supporters, members etc.). Don't just assume we know what they want and how they feel
• Don't allow ourselves to be dominated by fear
• Lay down our need to be great, acknowledged or liked
• Be fully available to serve those who serve us
• Be accountable to a few wise people
• Hold on to our position (and any perks) lightly.

Sarah Abell is the founder of nakedhedgehogs.com and is passionate about helping people live, love and lead authentically.