Recently I was scheduled to attend a charity board meeting. On my way, I went to drop my 10-year-old daughter off for her first advanced swimming club session. Normally she would be out of the car door and I would say 'See you later' and drive off. Yet on this occasion, I sensed she needed me to stay. I asked her if this was the case and she said she would like me to be there. There was no second thought, I stayed.

However, what about my meeting? I felt the obvious niggle of not fulfilling a prior commitment, especially as I have only missed about five board meetings over the past 24 years. As I texted in my last minute apologies, one of the directors replied with these wonderful words: 'She may not remember you being there when she is 30 but she'd never forget if you weren't.'

Those words were just what I needed. More importantly, me being there was what my daughter needed. I was reminded again of the importance of being present in the moment, of being aware of the needs of those around you. I realised afresh just how often I rush into the task ahead of me, the message I want to preach, what I want to say. Am I really aware of the people in front of me? What are they experiencing or needing from me?

Who are we preaching to today?

One in four adults and one in 10 young people will have a diagnosable mental health issue at any one time. On any given Sunday, there will be people with many different stories sat in front of us. There will be stories of the lives being lived now, the stories of the past and those with concerns for the future. Behind each face, there will be layers of what has influenced, blessed, wounded, hurt, healed and shaped this person over years. There will be situations that bring pain and pressure in their lives from their own minds, their home life and family situations, from school, the work place, the church and the wider community. Personal tragedy and challenges can strike at any moment and scars can build upon scars, slowly impacting people's well-being long after the event has passed.

In all these circumstances, it would be wonderful if people felt able to be themselves, to talk about the anxiety, the hurt, struggles in daily life, the sadness, the depression, the feelings of being overwhelmed, the mind that always thinks the worst, or can't seem to find a way forward, the suicidal thoughts, the loneliness, the experience of being trapped and of failing; to talk about the feelings of unworthiness, of guilt, shame and discrimination. All are experiences associated with poor mental health or being down in faith.

Yet sadly, it appears routine for those of us with poor mental health to hide away and mask who we are and what we are feeling. We are saying, by that silence, 'If you really knew me you wouldn't accept or involve me the same way.'

What is our preaching narrative?

One of the challenges of ministering to people in need is the narrative we often tend to preach. It makes sense for us to encourage holy living and trusting in God in all situations. It seems good to tell people to not worry, have faith and believe. While this is important (after all God is faithful, how we live does matter) this can end up being all we say. People can feel lost in the gap between the message we preach and the reality of where they are. There seems to be little room for the broken or struggling narrative. The reality of people's complicated lives are hard to admit, to understand and to handle. We can so easily respond by saying 'All you need is Jesus' – or 'If you trusted God more, you would be fine.' On the face of it that can sound very spiritual but to the listener it can be profoundly unhelpful and usually closes down any chance of sharing, understanding and ministering to what is really needed.

What does Jesus preach?

Jesus gives us a different example of how we can be with people who are hurting. He doesn't seem too fazed by the complications of life or too worried about jumping in with a sermon point. Jesus seems quite content to start where people are and let them know they can come to him even when their life doesn't measure up, when life is painful.

Reflect for a moment on Jesus' first words to the two travelling on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24:17: 'What are you discussing together as you walk along?' Think about the woman at the well and the revelations of her life that unfold in the conversation.

Frequently we see Jesus responding to people's needs. He can see past their outer appearance and actions to what is in their hearts and where they need healing. Jesus thinks carefully about what he has to say and seeks to show them that God understands, can forgive them and set them free, and ultimately and fundamentally that he loves them.

The pulpit for me is as much a pastoral space as it is a theological one. It is where we take the stories of our hearers and draw them into the story of God. If we don't, they simply may not hear.

The more I read the Bible and follow Jesus, both in times of great joy and some very dark places, I don't find myself in conflict between the high bench mark of faith and the fact my story often looks different. I have found God drawing close to me, despite who I am at times. I think church and faith are places for people who struggle. Rather than battling with the fear of being seen as falling short, I find myself in pretty good company with others for whom life has its challenges too.

So when we preach on a Sunday, how does what we have to say impact on the lives of those listening to us? Can we help people feel like God is interested in the whole of who they are? What would Jesus have to say to them and where would he start?

1. Talk about how brokenness is in all our stories

From Genesis 3 onwards we see the story of brokenness flow from page to page. We see people who fail, carry shame, experience doubt, fear and worry; who feel alone; unlovable, who can be tempted and don't always appear to be great people of faith. This is the human condition. It is normal. Followers of God are not superhuman – they are ordinary people like you and me looking to follow an extraordinary God. So talk about how, when life is painful and we find it tough, that actually places you in good company with some of the greatest, broken, people of faith. This approach will help to de-stigmatise poor mental health, and the idea of struggling. We can create a culture of normality – not so we stay as we are, but to allow us to move on from where we are.

2. Talk about the God who constantly draws near.

Within moments of the fall in Genesis, we see God drawing near as he calls to Adam and Eve in the garden. Here we see the God who pursues his creation, who keeps calling out to them, despite their brokenness. This God wants to bring healing, wholeness and salvation. This forms part of our story, weaving in and out of our lives like the air we breathe. This reminds us again that God isn't distant in our struggles but closer to us than the heartbeat in our chest. He enters the Garden in Genesis, the manger in the Gospel and our lives at Pentecost. It seems like God is happy to be near us.

3. Talk about the God who hasn't finished with us yet.

Faith is a journey and we need to remember that God is at work in us, if we allow him to be. He is constantly transforming us. The key in life is to encourage people to allow him to do the transforming, by remaining in him. There is no quick growth and no easy answers to some of life's pain. It takes time. Struggling with life and faith isn't the opposite to following God: it is a part of it.

4. Talk about difficult issues and do so with love and care.

Avoiding the tough or complex issues of life doesn't make things easier for people but often harder. To mention something gives permission for it to be spoken about. You don't have to understand everything to be able to speak with love, care and patience. Too often we rush to give glib answers to complex issues, or just ignore them altogether, thinking that no one in our congregations would be struggling with them.

Read up on subjects, attend training courses and be honest about what you do and don't understand. Always treat people with respect and care and invite them to talk to you about their experiences. When you speak, always remember what you are saying could be deeply personal for someone listening. Remember there is often no easy, quick fix process for most people. Occasionally God brings instant healing – more often it takes time, even a whole lifetime.

5. Support people to get help and to know that life can be better.

Change and healing is possible. What we experience today may not be the same in the future and most people who experience difficulties do get better. Sometimes we can facilitate that change for people but more often than not we need to draw alongside people and encourage them to get help. Don't be afraid to approach people, you may need to find a time that will work well. Do make sure you listen to them, hear what they have to say and do not judge them. Support them with access to information, to attend a GP appointment, or signpost them to external help. Have a list of people you can refer to. Look at how the church or other networks could be helpful to them. If someone is in danger, always act straight away (check your safeguarding policy).

From personal experience, I know that when we hide away and don't get the help we need, life becomes dark, distorted and stuck. I think the story of God's perfect love, peace, healing and victory should be preached in a way that calls us out from hiding to bring our brokenness to him and allow it to meet with his wholeness. Life becomes lighter, clearer and unstuck when this happens.

Finally, did my daughter actually notice me from the sides of the pool that night? You bet she did. Every now and then she would glance up and see me watching. We waved and she knew I was with her. Go and be with God's people when you preach, meet women at wells and people wandering on the road of life, and ask them what they are talking about. Show them that God cares deeply about their stories too.

Nathan Jones is the founder of the charity Teens in Crisis and former youth pastor at Gorsley Baptist Church. His  work and ministry are now focused on Talkthrough, a new initiative he launched in 2018.

This article first appeared in the October edition of Preach magazine, which focuses on mental health, and is reproduced with permission. World Mental Health Day 2018 is on October 10.