A marriage can sometimes be a quest for more control. When your spouse does something that isn't favorable, sometimes you will try to control their behaviour and the outcome, thinking that we can make things right. In the process, we often make things worse.

Why? Because people were never meant to control people, and this applies most especially to a marriage. It's no one's job to control anyone. In fact, God did not create people to be manipulated or controlled, not even by God Himself. We must remember that when God made Adam and Eve, He gave them an option to follow Him or disobey Him and God expects us to respect that design.

So if we can't control our spouses, what are we to do? To understand this, we must first look into the roles of husbands and wives in the first place. Ephesians 5:24-25 tells us "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." The original design for marriage is this: husbands are to love and care for their wives just as Christ did and wives are to submit to their husbands just as the church submits to them.

Role of Husbands

Paul compares the husband to Jesus in the sense that he is to love his wife the same way Christ loves and cares for His church. Just how much does Jesus love the church? Jesus loves the church so much that He was willing to give up His life for us.

Jesus stands as the foundation of the church and husbands are to be the same to their wives- a foundation that they can trust on as husbands place their trust in God.

Role of Wives

I like what a friend pastor of mine always says when he officiates a wedding. He says, "Anything with two heads is a monster," and this applies in a marriage. God ordained men to be the spiritual leaders of the home and when the man fails to step up to that role, the home fails to fulfil the original function God has for them.

Wives are to submit to a man's leadership and support him as he takes the lead for the home. Does that mean that whatever he says will happen? Not necessarily, but disagreements must be made in the light of trusting that if your doesn't know what He's doing, God does.

So what happens when our spouse isn't fulfilling his or her role as a husband or wife? I encourage you to consider these two things.

First off, just as your spouse cannot fit into the mold that is a husband or wife, neither can you. So instead on focusing on making your spouse a better husband or wife, use that effort on being a better husband or wife. There's only one person you can control and that's yourself.

Second, we may never become perfect husbands or wife, but there is a third player in this marriage who can make all things right. That third party is God. Our Lord will always be perfect in fulfilling His role as the God over our marriages. When we can't rely on our spouse, let us instead rely on God for the grace to build up our families to what God has called them to be.