Millennials are leaving the church as numbers show in a study by Pew Forum which shows that the number of unaffiliated youth has increased by 6.7 percent in seven years.
"What's causing the millennial exit?"
"How can we stop and even reverse it?"
Those are two very important questions that many spiritual leaders are asking today. I'm 26 years old, which makes me a Millennial, but I'm also a dad who wants to see my daughter grow up loving God and enjoying the benefits of church community whilst overlooking its flaws and downsides. Of course that decision is up to her completely, but I cannot deny the fact that my attitude and life will affect the choice she makes of remaining in church and in fellowship.
There are many things we can do, but there's also a bunch of things that we shouldn't be doing as well, and there's one mistake we can be making that is resulting in a disinterest in the church amongst our kids. That one small but crucial thing is living without authenticity.
Authenticity is a value that goes all across the board. We all want things to be as authentic, real and un-staged as possible and our kids look for nothing different. Ed Stetzer shares compelling research that shows that 27 percent of youth say they leave church because members seemed hypocritical - because they weren't being authentic. I've also seen it to be true at a first-hand level - talking to youth who have abandoned local churches because pastors, leaders and especially parents weren't as "real" as they should have been.
If we attempt to appear "holy" and to "set an example," we will end up portraying ourselves as something that we really aren't. The youth are not as gullible as you think they are. They can smell fake from miles away. And if we try to hide our flaws and sinfulness, we lose their trust and ultimately their trust towards the local church.
We can drive our kids to church and force them to attend services as much as we can, but if they don't see authenticity, they're just going to feel manipulated and forced into it. Ultimately, it is the authenticity of parents that will greatly affect whether kids stay or go. And the authenticity of other members of the local congregation doesn't matter more than our own.
Inauthenticity is also anti-gospel in nature. It denies the undeniable truth that we have as parents have also "sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23) or that we are just humans who face trials too and need a Savior to come to our rescue. We hide our flaws, our problems, our struggles from our kids thinking that if we show them that because we're church-going Bible-believing Christians, our life is wonderful.
But in John 16:33, Jesus makes it obviously clear that "In the world you will have tribulation." Our kids know that and we know that, but are we trying our best to hide it? Authenticity can go a long way - admitting to our children who we really are and showing them the very reason why Jesus is relevant to you and how he can be relevant to them as well.
Are you the kind of parent that openly admits your faults, weaknesses and limitations or do you fake it to appear more "Christian?" What can you do today to become a more authentic parent?
