When I first became a church leader – 35 years ago – I already believed that it was the most valuable way I could spend my life. But within weeks, I quickly learnt that it was also one of the most difficult.

For every kind word of feedback, there would typically be two or three people who were engulfed in anger about something I'd done 'wrongly' in a Sunday service, or said 'ill-advisedly' in a church meeting. I remember a letter that was written to me by one church officer a few months after I first became a minister asking me to resign because I had attended a church service without wearing a tie. I doubt, of course, whether too many congregations would be wrapped up in that specific concern today – but, despite the pastoral sensitivity and diplomacy that is clearly required for anyone seeking to lead a congregation, there should be no doubt that the task of church leadership is not for the faint hearted. As one fellow Baptist minister told me flatly when I approached him for help, "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Ahead of an event in the autumn that I am running for church leaders, we at Oasis decided to conduct some research to better understand the pressures that would-be attendees were under. We surveyed 200 vicars, pastors, ministers and leaders. The sample is not huge, and it should be seen for what it is. But nonetheless, it gives us a more than helpful snapshot.

The results – although mixed in places – present a pretty bleak picture. An overwhelming majority of respondents (71%) reported feeling stressed and pressured, with 76% claiming to be regularly shouted at by a member of their congregation. Perhaps most alarmingly, almost two-thirds (65%) felt that the pressure of their ministry had put strain on their marriage. Twelve percent described that stain as 'significant.' The research also revealed that:

• 43% of leaders felt their church members have little or no understanding of the pressures they are under.
• Half of respondents felt that they received very little personal or professional development, although a significant minority of 30% felt that what they did receive was adequate.
• On average, church leaders are shouted at or spoken to rudely once a week, but it could rise as high as 30 times a month for some. One respondent sorrowfully reported that it happened on a 'daily basis'.

But, the story is not only one of doom and gloom. Despite the stress and pressures, 52% described their ministry as 'very rewarding' with a further 34% deeming it 'quite rewarding'. While they might not always understand the pressures of a church leader, congregation members often make some effort to encourage. Leaders estimate that, on average 62% of the feedback they receive from the congregation is positive and encouraging compared to just 38% that is negative or critical. Perhaps however, it's tempting to assume that the quiet or causal positive feedback – even if it's the majority – is somewhat drowned out by the louder and aggressively expressed criticism that seems to come with the territory of leading a church.

It can't be good for the long term health of the Church that our leaders feel under such a high degree of pressure. And how can it be that the Church – which at its best is an undisputable source of positivity and encouragement for the world at large – has so perfected the art of making their leaders feel so down trodden and even abused? One thing's for sure, it's certainly not intentional!

I leave you with just two thoughts and suggestions.

Church leaders need to ensure they are leaving time for reflection and perspective – Sure, being a church leader is hard and yes, you need to listen to feedback (both positive and critical). But ultimately it's a question of nurturing and sustaining your inner life and spirituality. I know how hard it is, in a busy schedule, to do this, but I've slowly learnt that cutting out time for reflection is always a false economy that comes back to bite. As the classic poem 'I Didn't Have Time' reminds us, we are all too busy not to pray!

Church attendees need to remember that leaders are only human – When someone stands at the front of a congregation every week, often looking and sounding confident, wise and decisive it's too easy to imagine they are made of the kind of steel which means they can handle whatever you've got to throw of them. But, if your church leaders are anything like me, they will have insecurities, vulnerabilities and problems which few others will know anything of. So, by all means, give feedback. But be kind and generous. It is hard to have 150 line managers!

The Church in this country is wonderful. It is full of warmth, love and encouragement. I don't mean, for a second, to suggest otherwise. But if we fail to acknowledge the stress our leaders are under, or sweep it under the carpet as 'that's just the way it is', we do no one any favours and many great damage. Encouragement is one of the greatest gifts God gives us. Let's make sure that it's the gift we keep giving.

'Steve Chalke on Leadership' will take place on Friday 30 October. It will be an opportunity to stop, listen, reflect, question and be re-inspired. Steve will share some of the practical lessons he's learned about life, leadership and following Jesus over the last three decades. For more information and to book tickets visit www.oasisuk.org