If you've ever heard of the term "morality police," you probably know about the negative stigma attached to it. Morality police have been a constant source of guilt, legalism, and unhealthy moralism. Yesterday, it was the Pharisees. Today, it could be anyone—even parents.

Parenting can often be complicated. I'm not going to go around pretending that I've got it all figured out. I can't count the many times I failed as a parent. But by God's grace He still allows my daughter to grow up in a godly way. Often I catch myself treating my daughter like a criminal, and I know how bad it breaks her heart.

Are we really called to be morality police towards our children? Ephesians 6:4 tells us, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Yes, I believe there is a place for correction, coaching, training and discipline, but God commands us to do it in a way that does not exasperate people, but in a way that is ruled by love.

The best example for parenting will always be our Heavenly Father. In Hebrews 12:6, it says, "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives."

God disciplines us, but it is always done out of love, not selfish hatred.

Sometimes parents can discipline children to save face, to appear to be good parents, and other selfish reasons. That's exactly what morality police would do—put down others to highlight their apparent morality. That's not how God wants us to bring up our children.

I believe that we need to build morality in our children. The best way to do it is always to discipline with love. Our children not only need our guidance but our love and friendship as well. They need affirmation, affection, and nurture just as much as they need sharpening.

I am reminded by what Proverbs 17:17 says: "A friend loves at all times..."

As parents we are called to love our children at all times—when we're having fun with them and when we're training them up in the ways of the Lord.

Moralistic discipline can seem like a quick fix because it does bring results. It changes the child's behavior. However, only love can change a child's heart.

Your children need your moral guidance, but they don't need you to remind them of how awfully sinful they are to the point of guilt tripping them. They already have the enemy to do that. The goal of discipline is always godly conviction that leads to heart change, not condemnation that leads to behavior change.

If we want to see our children grow up into godly men and women, discipline is important.

But it's not enough to tell them what to do and what not to do. Children don't need moralism. They need life change, and God's love and affirmation is what brings that to them.

We can be channels of that love by learning to never leave out the need to be our children's friends at the same time.